You can go on forever and not find the one thing all of us want, love, true and profound love. Some of us are lucky enough to find it, either by stroke of luck or just by searching for it continuously. I am one of the lucky ones. But life has a way of punching you in the face when you're least expecting it, and slowly takes her gifts away. What can you do when you face you're partner's fatal disease? Who can you blame, cause you feel the need to scream out loud that this is just unfair, so loud that even god somewhere out there can hear you! But i wonder...is God really listening? Does he think that he's done such a great job by creating rather frale bodyes?

     It breaks my heart to see my love suffer. Sometimes i just cry myself to sleep. To hear my sweet angel talking about suicide makes me so frustrated, i do not wish death upon him, but i do not like the suffering either. I am torn apart by mixed feelings and I canot be egocentric enough to impose anything. It remains a matter of choice, even if I know my soul shall be broken. 

     Disease seems now life's way of destroying every bit of happiness that a person can have. 

     I am sorry baby if it seems that I am cursing my bad luck, this is mostly about you, cause you're the one that is in pain, and the pain is so real and so fierce that i cannot even comprehend where can you find the strenght to laugh and make jokes. But my soul is also in pain. You are the most wonderful thing that happened to me. The things i see in your eyes, I could have never imagined. When you embrace me I just feel so loved, so cared for, so on top of the world. And this disease is just not damn fair! I just wish i could do something, i wish I could have healing powers if that were possible, but I feel so powerless, so affraid. You keep saying that tommorow you may be gone and I just can't even think of that. I try to take it lightly and tell you that nothing bad is going to happen but inside only I know the pain I feel, and I know you can feel that too.

     I love you my angel, I love you so much that your pain cripples my soul. I am here for you, doing the best I can, and if you can find even a bit of comfort in my arms, then that makes me so happy.